Monday, December 29, 2008

Writer’s plaintive

There are bad mood days and there are bad hair days
but the worst of them, by far, are bad pen days.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Current events, power cuts and tut tuts

Soniaji is in town and these giant airplanes or whatever drone in the sky like giant bumble bees. So did she bring her un-ho-neys (which incidentally, is like the pot calling the kettle black because I don’t know my intezaars from my bekaraars, which in the second incidence of incidentally, are two words I hear often repeated in Hindi movies. How big a pain I am to watch a Hindi movie with is a story I’ll save for later) or does she come with something new for an audience with a limited-edition-on-my-boat Hum Aapke Hain Kaun knowledge of Hindi. Anyways I wonder which language she addressed the gathering in. I DID NOT watch the news, if it crossed your mind to ask by the way. And if anyone’s talking in Malayalam, does she even know what they’re talking about unless they drop names. You know like “Soniajiudey” “Congreesinte” “aiyurithi thonuthile entho entho Rajiv Gandhi (yea! I understood something!) namudey samsthanathil blah blah blah blah ……” Nah, I guess sycophancy is decipherable, regardless of linguistic barriers. One would have to be quite thick to miss the “River of drool” and the one too many “venderfulls” and the “vary nays” and the “truly, I Says” and the “ess ess madem”. (Hey the droning stopped. What? No security after 10 pm? What do they think? Terrorists don’t work after hours?)

Anyways it was quite a pain having her around. Very inconvenient. People who should have been in buses were on the road, competing with poor lil me for an autorickshaw. But hey, I did get an auto quite quickly. Soniaji is here and yet they don’t think twice about pulling the plug (actually) on our electricity. Load shedding right on schedule. All this fuss and no no-power-cut-today-people?!

Moving to a nicer topic, move aside Lolakutty. We’ve got our glam babe Ommanakutty! Paravati Ommanakuttan..literally meaning Parvati (Shiva’s wife?) Apple of the Eye!! How can anyone go wrong with a name like that? But again I can’t help wondering how they must have pronounced the name? They probably must just have squealed or yelped “Miss India”, like that’s supposed to be her name (“Miss India will you come here!” “Miss India you cannot help your self to that calorie-ridden croissant.” “Oh that Miss India! Who does she think she is, Miss India!?”). So she dint WIN THE crown. But she did come second didn’t she. That quite nice for a people who crosses the road zimbly! Wonder when they’ll have a Miss India Malayalees Samajam.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

What a name!

Why would anyone build a 200:1 scale version of their ego stick and then name it Poseidon’s Rear End Rude Sound? *Heh heh* I just found out that the Ambani rad-pad is called “SEAWIND” (!!??!!) Not the gargantuan TarANTILLA that Mukesh Ambani had all of us dropping our jaws at, but the 14-storey (only!) complex that symbolized their We-are-like-anybody-else-ness (I wish I was also a We-are-like-anybody-else). To be fair, everybody Does dream a little dream of moving into a bigger place in time, and Mukeshji is just like anyone else. There you have it, the We-are-like-anybody-else again. Ok, I’m beginning to get sick of We-are-like-anybody-else. (Did anyone mention sour grapes?)

So we were talking about Seawind. Yeah. The first time I heard it (which was this morning) I thought that it reminded me of the sea’s fart. Seawind, seafart, seawind, seafart, seemypoint? Though it is true, like my good friend Sharath suspects and people close to me know, that I have a dirty mind, I must say that the name in all it unpretentiousness did strike me as ridiculously funny. Reminded me of a huge fart bubble that can be mistaken for an air bubble (pass air bubble!:D) that floated to the surface and burst into a smelly sprinkle of seaspray. (Now you know what the reason behind that not so pleasant sea-smell)

And now I’m going to welcome you to a brand new world. Where innovation inspires you. Where pictures are truer. Where technology liberates you. Where music is finer. Where movies are dramatic (hello? I thought movies were dramatic, period?!) Where 3.5G superiority comes together to leave the world far below (Whathe?? I thought this was supposed to be a new world? And now they tell us we’ve left the WORLD far below) Welcome to OMNIA! Why oh why would anyone call anything Omnia? It sounds so, Aw-min-you-us like in ominous. Then it sounds like insomnia. I don’t know about you, but to me, then it sounds like a really bad idea. It’s a really strange name for a (shudder) “New world”. Reminds be of the album cover of Iron Maiden’s Brave New World with all those creepy skeletons and all. Think about it. It’s so eerily doom prophetic types. A world filled with dark clouds and global warming, unwhaled heaving seas and Agent Smiths, concrete claustrophobia and slimy green numbers crawling up and down a computer screen like mutant ants (grimaceshuddergrimace!!) Ok so my idea of the apocalypse is a little Matrixesque but that’s what Omnia brings to my mind.

If you’ve got some fantastic reason why Omnia is a good name, like if it means something, do let me know. And while you’re at it, did you know that an ostrich’s brain is smaller than its eye. And please save the “bigger than my brain” jokes. Leave my brain out of this OK?

Thursday, December 4, 2008

view from my window

Pigeons fucking on electric wires.

The shock of love jams

their systems into a series of

electric circuits of pent up desire.

Monday, December 1, 2008

The day God smiled at us

Today is the 1st of December. And today the sky smiled at the earth. Two bright stars, well actually not stars, cos they’re supposed to be Venus and Jupiter or Venus and Mars. I donno. But anyways, these two shiny stars (that sounds prettier than planets) and a dear sickle moon together made this smiley face in the sky. It was like God was smiling or rather grinning at the earth. A rather toothy grin at that. It was so, so cute. Like someone took a chalk and drew a happy face in the sky. It beat all the batman insignias, the Lucies in the sky with diamonds, the pricey-always-has-to-make-an-entrance Haley’s comet, the shoemakers and the levies that ever graced the night sky.

Things have been particularly bad recently. With the economy slipping and sliding, leaving me in no sight of my raise, this nightmare in Bombay was the last thing we all needed. 10 boys who ought to be putting their time to better use like having wet dreams of Pamela Anderson or discussing cars or investing time in the countless mindless pursuits of youth, grabbed that fragile flea-bitten carpet of security that the government affords us, right from under our feet. How could 10 boys do so much damage? I’m still finding it very hard to come to terms with it. And so this smile in the sky did something wonderful to me. It made me happy. It made me feel comforted. Felt like there was someone looking after me, instead of that horrid feeling of being watched you usually have when you stay in the same city as half your snoopy relatives. I hope it portents some good. Christmas is round the corner. I hope there’s good news for the world yet. And I hope my raise comes somewhere within my immediate horizon. And I hope we all find a happy face looking back us from the mirror soon enough.