Thursday, October 29, 2009

between life and death

“If the sun shone brighter tomorrow, I wouldn’t know. Or if there’d ever be a sunset again, as perfect as the one I saw last summer. If the world will come to an end in 2012 or if Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt would last beyond 2009 – I’ll never find out. Or if AIDS or the recession would claim more lives or which of the two would get cured sooner. I’ll never know if I’d ever decide to have children or if I’d have a little boy or a little girl; or if I’d do all those other things I was too scared to do.

If I’ll be all the things I wanted to be or if I’d have made a difference in this world. I’ll never have a chance to learn to play Stairway to Heaven or Fix You or even Dido’s No Angel, perfectly on the guitar. I’ll never fail miserably in another game of bluff again or learn to let go of the handle bars while riding a bicycle. I wish I had watched Pulp Fiction when I had the chance, for now I never will. I will never get to eat chocolate again, chocolate cake, chocolate brownies, chocolate fudge, Twix, Dairy Milk, Snickers, all melted and gooey. I have no idea when I would have made that trip to Prince Edward Island with my best friend like we always planned we would. Don’t know if I’d have paid my telephone bill tomorrow like I was intending to.

I won’t smell the scent of the first rain ever again or lick my fingers clean after a good, good Onamsadhya. I would never know if one day my boss did the whole world a favour and died. I’m never going to find out what the end of the year had in store for me nor the next year or the year after that. Or if my mother would change her mind and talk to me again. I would never know if I’d eventually have gathered the guts to tell Pavan that he’s a mindfucked piece of scum. I’ll never yell, fight and then patch up with my mum or hear her sing her hymns through her nose. I’ll never see my love again. Not laugh at his jokes again. Not know if he’ll lose his paunch like he’s always promising to. I’ll never know what he planned to get me for my birthday or whether he’d have sent me flowers next week, next month or next year. When he would have taken me dancing again or if we’d ever have made love under the stars. i'll never know if I'd get to be a part of a U2 concert. I’ll never learn French, Spanish, German or see the rain, the first moon or sunflowers again. have no idea if my brother or I would be the first to cut our hair short. If I’d ever make the most perfect batch of cookies. Not that most of these things are necessarily what mattered the most to me. But it just feels weird to know that I’ll never know anything anymore.

It isn’t your entire life that flashes before your eyes, when you’re about to die. What actually flashes before your eyes are all those things that’ll you’ll never know.

Funny, I never realized there was so much to live for.”


Sharath Kumar R said...

Three words => Soul Stirring Article!

MissAnnThrope said...

Aww...thank you sharath :)