Wednesday, January 27, 2010

things that made me go hmmm during Twilight

• How do men sit through this? (Baby you love me? Yes i do. Then come watch twilight with me? Uh-oh)
• How much compact slash concealer slash several-shades-lighter foundation did they use on these guys and didn’t they object?
• Boy, most men act like vampires. Men. Vampires. Same difference.
• Edward, the main-romantic-boy-vampire, he does all the following – he’s everywhere she is – the parking lot, the cafeteria, heck even in her bedroom. And HE asks her to stay away. God, really! How typical.
• My boyfriend behaves like a vampire
• My boyfriend has the manners of a vampire
• My boyfriend is a vampire. I think! Yikes!
• Such a lot of makeup. Makes Paa look au naturel
• Why does the girl speak like as if every single word is torn from her frikkin guts? Does she HAVE to be this frikkin intense?
• He’s supposed to be dazzlingly beautiful according to the story-gist on the jacket. He’s just dazzlingly white. Like an ad for Tide detergent.
• Stupid SOB is just playing so hard to get. “Oh I’m going to tell you to stay away. Cos I know that’s exactly how I get you to stalk me. Oh stay away. Oh I’m such a sad lion. Oh I’m such a typical male. If you think I’m playing hard to get, you should see me when you bring up the commitment word.”
• The misleading story-gist on the jacket (again) says she’s not popular and that she’s like an outcast. WHAT THE HELL! She’s like the queen bee in the movie. “Hey Bella, come sit next to me” “Hey Bella you wanna come sit next to me” “Hey Bella you really wanna come sit next to me” “Hey Bella I’m going to kill myself if you don’t come sit next to me”
• Fancy car and a fancy growl that can scare men away AND he creeps the competition out. Man, this guy is a catch. And he’s there when you need him. (Attention: 26 year-old seeks hot 90-year-old-but-looks-32-year-old DEVASTATINGLY BEAUTIFUL vampire)
• He drives like a lunatic. Well if you’re immortal, accident isn’t something you’d worry about.
• God Almighty! Even saying “See you tomorrow”, makes this woman wince with some deep, deep pain. Look at the way she gasps it out with such trauma and all going on her face!
• This woman must be into psychos. Or maybe she is psycho and she loves vampires. Either way I see the resemblance between the two. Whoever said opposites attract, apparently didn’t see this coming.
• This guy is full of shit and she’s buying it. God, we girls are dumb
• He can’t get into her mind, he says! Pfft….he sees nothing cos there IS nothing in there!
• He’s just oversexed. “ I don’t have the strength anymore to stay away from you” ( dude we all get that way. It’s called FEELING HORNY”
• This,? THIS? THIS? Is supposed to be some kind of “darn good hunk of pop moviemaking”? Yeah right! Then I don’t even want to know what makes a “Darn horrible hunk of pop moviemaking”.
• “Oh noooooooooooooo! What have I done!!?!! I’ve gone and fallen in love with a monster!!” Get over it girl. We all have. Not the first. Not the last. But our kind of monsters drink blood only metaphorically and they go by the title of either husband or boyfriend. But they’re hot, aren’t they!!
• Good God, this movie reminds me of when I was a kid and loved lions and tigers so much that there were ONLY vegetarian lions and tigers in the stories I wrote. Vampires on a special diet! My foot!
• He glows in the light! Heavens! What will they think of next!!? By, God, he glows in the light. And I thought vampires roasted in the sunlight. Now THAT’S why they avoid the sunlight – cos they would glow and awe-strike everyone with their dazzling (HEEEEEEEEYYYY!) personality. This ought to teach me not to be judgmental. MY BAD!
• Even vampires can’t stop themselves from showing off.
• Talk about a relationship with NO future!
• Whenever my boyfriend comes like REAL close to me, my only thoughts are “OH goody! He’s going to kiss me!” But poor child, her thoughts would be like an objective question.
o A. Oh goody he’s going to kiss me
o B. Waitaminute! He’s probably got to bite me. Uh-oh
o C. Shittyshit..the SOB’s going to eat me

Sigh!! Must be so stressful.

• This movie is just oversexed. And 14-year-olds love it. Are we programmed for the stuff, or what!
• Are we so running out of stuff to believe in that we need vampires?
• She asks him to make her like him, you know, like a vampire and stuff. So then they go around for two years and then they break-up and then what? Most guys would only have to deal with “I lost my virginity to you for nothing” But what would she accuse him of, “I lost my humanity to you”? Whoa! That’s some heavy duty shit!!!


Sharath Kumar R said...

Whenever my boyfriend comes like REAL close to me, my only thoughts are “OH goody! He’s going to kiss me!”

Maybe he was trying to strangle you and realized that IPC is not very understanding when it comes to that - and went for the kiss instead !!!


MissAnnThrope said...

haw haw haw sharath. that's exactly why you're single and i'm not :D
i recognize envy when i see it :P

and for the record you dont have to come thaaaaaaaaat close to strangle someone, unless your nose has mastered the art of strangling or something.
aren't you the king of irrelevant comments

Jewel said...

Hilarious review! :)

Sharath Kumar R said...

Ouch girl! You take below the belt to a new level !!!

MissAnnThrope said...

thanks jewel