Saturday, July 31, 2010

confessions of a social networking site junkie

Hello honey!
I'm sure we've met before. Yes, of course, you remember my facelessness, don't you? We had a relationship sometime ago? Oh you don't! Well I forgive you. But I have to be honest. There were times when you were the only window open in my life. Like, literally. I would chat with no one else and your pings kept me alive. We've moved on of course. You couldn't keep up with the many wonders that the infiniteness of the netscape offered me.


I'm the internet's equivalent of a streetwalker. I haunt the pages. I check my mail every five minutes. Contrary to popular belief, the world CAN change in five minutes. Like, I know who is bored, who is not, who is busy, who is not, who likes me, who is attending what function, who is on a diet, who cheated on what and whom, who has had a haircut, who has just visited the can, who went drinking last night, who got soooo sloshed that they're going to have more than a hangover to deal with when the buzz is over (facebook on mobile is NOT a great idea, sometimes if you know what I mean), who is seeing who and who broke up. All this can happen in five minutes.

My need for social networking is so great. Social networking is my life. I'm such a facebook slut. Aren't you? 'Like' this, if you do. Or at least post this as your status for five minutes to celebrate the facebook slut sorority. Yes, I'm talking to you, bro! I see you online all the time, you're in the sorority. I'm on facebook. I'm on twitter. I'm on orkut. And on MySpace. and on hi5. And on Bebo. Like, thank God for internet mobile. I cannot imagine missing out on my status updates. Five minutes without my peeps. A peep at my peeps. LOL, get it? I have to tell the whole world what I've been up to. I change my status message at least 25 times a day. Oh the manicure I got yesterday? Uh-uh, not so good. Oh yeah the fudge was great. Nooo, you're getting it wrong, I'm a fairy mythical creature, not a zombie. Really, now you're just being rude! Oh my god, my chickens haven't had any feed yet. Hold on, let me do my farmville thing. Wont take long. Ha, where were we?

Or maybe i'm a kerbcrawler. You know, strike up conversations with any random person we see online? And then we have meaningful conversations and 12 am philosophy. We share secrets, only to regret it later. Sort of like, pick them up? Like, call me kerbkrawler. We rather like spelling our c words with a k anyway on cyberspace. And end words with a z. and put x's where ever they are inapplicable, cos that's what we do, right? Anyway this is what life is about right? Sunshine and reality be damned.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

price vs. prized

He came to me with magic. His purple hat with its wine satin sash whispered of rabbit ears and miracles. He said he wouldn't perform for free. I asked how much and he said "Enough". I thought, Enough was reasonable. I had Enough to give. I could spare Enough. So i asked him to show me his tricks. The first thing he pulled out of his hat was a smile, just for lil ol' me. Perfect and pouty. I tried it on. I looked good with a smile. I asked him if I could keep it and he pretended to consider it. He always knew i was going to ask and that he was going to make me pay. Foolish as i was, I thought I was getting a smile for the bargain price of Enough.
Then he pulled out laughter. It was a lovely fuchsia powder which you mixed in water and drank. It smelt like pink brandy and it tasted like delirium. It was heady. He teased me and raised an eyebrow at me questioningly. Gullible as I was made to be, I nodded my eager head giving away more than just that. I had just pawned a part of my soul. And I had absolutely no clue. Next he pulled out a puppy dog with the most restless tail. He was soft and I wanted to hold him so. Love. Beautiful, faithful love. He didn't have to even ask. I reached my willing hands shamelessly to him. The soft mass of liveliness and adoration cost me the rest of what I could call mine. I traded universes of possibility and galaxies of hope for that one instant of pure, unshared, whole love. Oh sublime love. Oh sweet love. Puppy love and a permanent leash. "What are you going to call him?", the magician asked me. "Mine. I'm going to call him Mine." "Oh that is just perfect." I liked to please everyone. It pleased me when I've pleased someone. And at moment I was very pleased with the magician being pleased with me.
He stuck his hand into his tophat again. I waited with bated breath. It was a box of colours. At first I made my premature disappointment apparent by blowing a raspberry. That offended the magician. He glowered and I cowered. But then he was just playacting. He knew he had already laid claim to my spunk. He would carry it away in a spunk-proof cage. I was so foolishly enamoured by his magical imagery, and I thought I had Enough and more. Already my tongue was making a hasty and disgraced retreat back into my mouth. I have never felt this apologetic in my life. Not ever. And here I was, dilated pupils like tulip blossoms. Pupil. Tulip. No lip from me. No sir. He liked my subservience, yes. And brought the mundane box of colours for a closer inspection. I couldn't touch it, of course. Fat colour pens, with things of wonder floating in them. Clouds and stars, fairies and kisses, hugs and stardust, friendship bands and love letters, birthday cakes and surprise presents, horses and fame, rainbows and presents tied in ribbons. Dreams. Sweet, sweet ones. Big ones, small ones, happy ones, sweet ones. Dreams. I wanted them all. I wanted more than Enough. So much more. Dreams that would keep me awake at night. Dreams that would steal the blackness of restful sleep and leave instead the branding of skeleton-coloured nights. Dreams that would make the night settle in bags under my eyes. But I didn't know that. I thought Enough would cover all my expenses. Enough included all my parent's love, all my childhood treasures, all my innocence, all my spunk, individuality, all my goodness and some spare sacrifice. But Enough was not enough. The magician made his invoice. I asked for it. He gave it to me with put-on reluctance. I think his eyes glinted. Did he register me as an infrared image of vulnerability? Eve's child. I eagerly took it from it. What a shock! I had grossly miscalculated. I was severely in his debt.

Smile, laughter, love and dreams. Those were engraved in my fate. And I was to give it my all in return for them. They were my destiny. And I would be their prisoner forever. I would pursue them doggedly. Because I asked for them and I couldn't afford to pay for them right away. Credit collector. And I was running out of time. The hands of karma completed yet another revolution. It was nearly time.

Did I strike a deal with god or the devil? I hadn't a clue. Minutes after that, my mother delivered me in a gory macabre of excessively dramatic proportions. I yelled like hell. And thus I registered my presence on earth. Destiny, here i come.

Monday, July 26, 2010

self obsession #1

In my life, I've had the privilege
of knowing both jackasses and great people
so that now, I value the latter a lot better.

In my life, I've had the benefit
of falling facedown into shit
So that I know what it takes to hold my head up high.

In my life, I've had the ability
to hate my parents enough
So that I appreciate just how much they can mean to me.

In my life, I've had the grace
to have loved in vain
So that I know I can do much better than that.

In my life, I've had the luck
To be humiliated
So that I know pride isn't all it's cracked up to be.

In my life, I've had the opportunity
to make mistakes aplenty
so that I might correct them, yet.

In my life, I've been done the favour
of being denied
So that I'm resolute about not settling for less

In my life, I've been blessed enough
to be infinitely foolish
So that I know for sure what I do not want to be.

In my life, I've been fortunate enough
to fail countless times
So that I look forward, for the best is yet to come

Thursday, July 1, 2010

the scapegoat's bloodline


the father sacrificed his son not
passing tests of faith
exemplary courage and unquestionable loyalty
the goat's blood was spilt
appeasing some far away god's thirst for his pound of flesh
the lord giveth, the lord taketh away

the mother birthed her son
legs splayed, body cleaving
for life's endless passage. a baptism of love and excruciating pain
winding roads, years and dreams hitherto
she beckons him back from lands and glamours afar
i gave you life, now give me yours.

ruby red stained the ground the colour of
acquired self-righteousness.
i did this for you. it's your price to pay
the balance sheet of life and a careless auditor
debits, credits and sacrifice
glorfied and placed on a pedestal


a lever clicks,
one man's pedestal is the goat's gallows.