Wednesday, February 9, 2011

one more letter to docomo and i'm done!

dear docomo
It's true, it's only been a few months since we made each other's acquaintance. But as my service provider, I think we should cut to the chase and get to first name basis. Pronto! So I think I'll call you Doc! Like that? Knew you would. Wow, are you feeling this like i am?

Anyway enough of pleasantries. Now that we know each other a little better there are a few things I'd like to tell you. For starters, I DON'T want to wish Barbara Mori a frikkin Happy Birthday at only Rs. 50. OKAY? Have we got that straight? It's not like Ms. Mori is going to see my message and go "Hmm..Dannie reeemembuured (mexican accent, people) my birthday. How thoughtful of her!" Dude, that's some scam, you're running there. How many idiots blew fifty bucks on that stunt, huh? I'm curious about those figures. Okay, moving on. Stop barraging me with messages about sizzling chicks having fun. If I wanted to see one of those, there's something called a mirror, hello!? So stop it with the twenty-five service messages, already? The ratio between real-people messages and docomo messages is depressingly skewed in the latter's favor. KNow what that makes me feel like? Super shitty! And what's with the chick-stuff? Blonde babes doing aerobics, dazzling models in gold swimwear (Oh help, where are my shades), unlimited download of most desired Namitha, mobile wallpaper of south booties, sorry, beauties Mamtha and Aishwariya (BARRRF), FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! You think I'm some kind of dyke? WOMAN here, people! Send me something like beautiful young men playing rugby in bare minimum, and THEN you have my attention. All this chica stuff, not happening! You're barking up the wrong tree. And is Rambo Forever video games the best you can do for me? Now I'm offended. How sexist are you, Doc?

So tell me, who writes your messages? The alliteration…whoa, too much. February fantasy, January jiggling, December ding-ding, November naaansense! You guys more cheesy than a double burst pizza, i say! And you send these messages during workhours. Don't you have any sense of ethics? These are man-hours that people are paying for WORK not for DOWNLOADING PICTURES OF SKIMPILY CLAD WOMEN FOR 30 RUPEES, ONLY!

And you must think me really dumb, no? Expecting me to believe when you tell me that Mr. Arun No-second-name and Mrs. Rani-no-second-name-again has won twenty seven mobiles each and it's my turn to win fifty android phones by answering how people at Docomo think, with a) their butt b) their brain. PUh-leaze! If you think I'm so stupid as to fall for that and part with three rupees to answer that, you are mistaken my friend. Such a dumb Doc you are! I mean, when you bullshit, try and bullshit a little convincingly. Give those people second names. and give those messages a little credibility with the benefit of punctuation ad grammar. Your messages read like this now, "Ms. Leela and Mr. Ramesh have won a mobile, wat u waiting for: Rose is a) Flower b) Alien." Do me a favor, save it! I know, to actually do something about it, i must dial some customer number, which i have no clue of, because you've not done anything useful like sending me THAT, oh no! But even if i dial some number, I'm afraid the CR person might try to force some horrid caller tune down my throat instead of helping me by ACTIVATING my Do no disturb profile. Doc, you must o something about this.
Yours most sincerely

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