Thursday, August 4, 2011

letters


Dear mothers, 
Teach your daughters to get angry. To get mad. To stay mad. Teach your daughters to fight. Back. To dislike. To be okay with being disliked. Teach them to think. And think nothing of what others think of them. Teach them hurt. Hurt them like hell. Teach them to be contentious. To be difficult. Teach them to be not-okay. Teach them to scream. Full-lunged, shrill, ear-shattering screams. Teach them to throw a punch. To hit below the belt. To use dividers and compasses and blades imaginatively instead of looking away and praying that it, they, he would go away. To hate. To poison. Teach them to break things. Teach them not to be virginal. Teach them to make mistakes. To walk into walls. Teach her to rage. Teach her to give as good as she got. If not, better. Teach her not, to be afraid. 

Dear mothers, teach your daughters this. For you can’t possibly be sure, without knowing doubt first. If you are, you’re just naive. There’s no virtue in forgiveness without the bloody rage of hurt, anger and disappointment first. In their absence, there is only numb. You can’t really know how wonderful it is to be liked, to be loved, if you don’t know how easy it is to be disliked just because you choose to be yourself . You can’t know the serenity of acceptance without a lost fight. A good one at that. It’d just be acquiescence or worse, cowardice. You can’t be brave without confrontation. Can’t be courageous without wanting to defend first. Virginity isn’t half as important as sanctity. Give her the gift of knowing how special she is. Give her, so that she might cherish it, value it and respect it. Tell her it’s okay to fall. Even if it’s apart. And if she does, hold her together. And maybe, one day, she just might be strong enough to fly. There’s no strength like regained strength, like recovering from hurt. No resurrection without death. No glory in standing tall without being brought to your knees. No safety without being put to the test and passing it. Only complacence. Dear mothers, teach your daughters to love. Without being afraid