Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Dear Dada

On the 8th of January, after a brief illness, my dad succumbed to pancreatic cancer. He was diagnosed in November and after the hardest one and half months my family has ever lived through, he was taken away from us. I'm still coming to terms with it. But even in his illness, my dad taught me a lot. About the value of life. About courage. About taking each day as it comes and making it count like it was your last. We had our differences, and yet we were the same. He was a strong man. A fighter. And he loved me more than I believed.

The picture below is his broken thumbnail. A physical testament to his love for me. He used to be a technical supervisor in Kuwait, while my mum, sister and I lived in Kerala. He spent a good part of his life away from his family. It wasn't until he retired that we got to live together as a family. So long-distance was the way it was. And like all things long-distance, everything was amplified..the worry, the fondness, the growing pains, the absence, and yes, the distance. So once when I'd fallen really ill as an infant, my dada got so distracted that his thumb got wedged in some heavy machinery. And left a permanent mark that announced to the world that he had this difficult daughter who always worried him. This difficult daughter who can't believe just how much she misses him, now that he isn't there.
This is my tribute to him.

When a strong man dies
He leaves behind a space,
A vaccum of things, routines and commonalities
He takes with him a sense of security
That he provided by just being present.
The assurance of seeing him around.
The knowledge that there's always him to go to.
He takes with him the hands that worked -
the calluses that marked the toil of his existence.
He takes with him the voice that once soothed,
yelled, advised, joked, comforted, scolded, sang and laughed.
His arguments hang with the air of unfinished business.
His shoes wait in empty limbo, never to be filled  His place at the table stands with a sombre  emptiness, even when occupied.
He leaves us, the weaker ones, wondering why him.
When a strong man dies,
He defeats death
He lives in all that he left behind
A legacy of love
That will live on forever
That will never die.


Gillium_Wordsworth said...

Dannie!!! What you wrote it beautiful!!! I am soo sorry to hear about your dad! May God give you and your family the strength!! Luv you!

MissDanThrope said...

Thank you Gilly. We're holding up ok. Everyone's taken such good care of us. It's so good to hear from you after so long.